I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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