Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize