So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
