he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
