The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
