forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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