Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize