Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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