i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
