remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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