I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
