Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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