he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
