if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
