You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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