she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
