White coat. Heels.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize