I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
