K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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