Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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