brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
