This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I touched a dick in church today
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
