They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Mom said you looked used
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
