Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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