My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
