I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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