Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
