Banned from zoo.
Again?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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