I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i dont even know how to be here
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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