Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
