he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The struggles of a small town man whore
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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