I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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