i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
