I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
