He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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