I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
