So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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