ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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