The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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