Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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