I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
