my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
