the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
