me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
