I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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