can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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