apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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