Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
