Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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