As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
