it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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