Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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