My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
