Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
