girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
My vagina just recognized that song.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
