Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I would fuck him just for his dog
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
