people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize