here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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