Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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