So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
