I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
