i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
