he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
True strength comes from lack of pants
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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