the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
