just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Randomize
