Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I think i got beer on your cat.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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