I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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