Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
