I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
This is my gift to your gina
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
