forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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