My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
