Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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