this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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