Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize