After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
