he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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