I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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