If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize