my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
