His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize