I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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