operation harelip BJ is a go
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
