Will you blow on my dice?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
