I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
