Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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