i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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