Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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