Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
