guys are not supposed to queef...right?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
