I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The convent might be a nice break from real life
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
