Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She bit a glass in half.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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