Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
