The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
