so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I stole a fireplace last night.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
