the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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