Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize