Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
