we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
