I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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