Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I don't deserve a penis
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
