There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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