I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
