I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
i believe in u and ur pee
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
