Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You can't motorboat a personality
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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