you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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