I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize