They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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