i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
