they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
