So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
