when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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