I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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