3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
