ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize