What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
