so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I pour the whiskey from now on
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
