its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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