he wants to bone in the snuggie
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
did i walk over a car last night?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
