you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
