How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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